


Circles In The Forest

by CaitClandestine



Category: Caspar Lee - Fandom, Conor Maynard - Fandom, Jack Maynard - Fandom, Joe Sugg - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, josh pieters - Fandom
Genre: Blind Conor, Liberal rewriting of actual South Africa vlog moments, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-24 02:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14946288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitClandestine/pseuds/CaitClandestine
Summary: Conor ends up accompanying the boys on holiday to South Africa.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Little bit AU: Conor is still the lovely singer we all know and love but has never made any videos/collabs with the other boys – they’re all Jack’s friends first.
> 
> If in doubt ship everyone and add feelings!

The small, teenager-lurking-on-Tumblr part of Jack’s brain that has thought Joe and Caspar would be hot together ever since he started watching their videos is absolutely right. It’s that same part of his brain that struggles to reconcile the fact that he’s actually watching it come to life right in front of him and the size difference between the two men isn’t everything but they’re both showing it off, Joe pinned under Caspar’s entire body weight across the lounge, one hand buried in Caspar’s hair and the other stroking himself while they kiss with an intensity that’s making it very difficult for Jack not to just whip his dick out and finish himself off before they’ve even gotten started.

Everything about the situation at hand is surreal and look, Jack’s no stranger to friends with benefits arrangements but this is something else entirely, practically a long-term relationship he’s been invited into, Joe, Caspar and Josh wanting, trusting him of all people to be with them. 

He makes awkward eye contact with Josh and they both manage to smile at the other, still hesitant when it’s just the two of them left to watch without any real direction and Jack knows that the last six months haven’t been long enough for Josh to be convinced that this is such a great idea, still suspicious that this whole cuddle buddies turned to more pleasurable pursuits concept is bound to get fucked up somehow and Jack’s always extra careful not to push too much, always follows Josh’s lead especially when it comes to Caspar. 

Jack doesn’t know exactly what they do when he’s not around but with him they’re still testing the waters and he’s more than okay with them not taking things as far as they could while they work things out, sticking to hands and mouths and so much snuggling and kissing that’s so incredibly good Jack’s thankful Conor can’t see how he comes home sometimes, hair a mess and lips swollen, bruises under his shirt that he can’t help but press his fingers into in the mirror.

..........................................................................................................................................................................................

“So, Jack” Caspar drawls as he joins them in Joe’s bed, freshly showered and with nothing but a towel around his waist, “We were thinking you should come to South Africa with us”


	2. Chapter 2

It’s difficult for Jack to imagine leaving Conor alone in their flat for two weeks with no one but Mikey for company.

Not that he thinks Conor’s incapable of living alone because he’s more than and Mikey isn’t actually an entirely useless person it just seems unfair for his brother to be by himself when Jack’s going on holiday with the boys. It’s fine when they’re apart for work but this is pleasure and no matter how much Conor says otherwise, loudly details all the ways he’s not going to need or even miss him Jack’s not sure he can go through with it for so long. 

He hadn’t been worrying, they’d had it all sorted out months ago that Conor would be able to enjoy his alone time but still have Alex around for a few days each week to make sure there’s food in the house and that Mikey doesn’t take them out for drinks, get drunk and end up locked out of the flat like last time and Conor had agreed willingly enough and nothing was an issue until this morning. 

Alex had called an hour ago saying he wouldn’t be able to drive up and stay after all, had managed to sprain his ankle during football training and it’s pretty obvious why he’d prefer to stay at home with his loving, nurturing girlfriend because Conor’s first reaction is to laugh and ask if there's footage of it and who else was there so he can get all the embarrassing details. 

It ruins Jack’s carefully crafted plan in an instant. He’s less than week away from leaving and the list of people both available and that Conor’s willing to let stay is very short. He doesn’t want to cancel but he seriously considers it, doesn’t know what else to do. 

“You’re being ridiculous” Conor says indignantly over lunch, “Seriously, you’re going on fucking holiday if I have to walk you to the plane myself”

“I am not” Jack retorts even though he might be. Conor is the one who’d practically demanded he accept the boys very generous invitation and they don’t keep secrets, he knows exactly what’s going on between them and he’d made a point of telling Jack that no sane person would turn down such an amazing trip that also includes a lot of sexy times and Jack really couldn’t disagree with that.

It’s been a busy year for both of them, packed full of travel and videos and music and Conor’s been so set on him going that he’d even offered to pay for the entire thing which Jack was not having, his videos have been going well enough that he can afford to take a break, spend some time relaxing before taking advantage of all the filming opportunities South Africa has to offer. Conor transfers him some money anyway, says he wants a souvenir and Jack doesn’t bother trying to give it back to him because they’ve done it before, spent entire days sending money back and forth until their bank had actually called thinking they were caught up in some kind of fraud. He’ll find something nice for Conor and save the rest.

The thing is that deep down he knows Conor will be fine. Conor’s always fine, working through most problems that crop up with humour and a maturity Jack knows he himself doesn’t have and there are so many people that his brother could call on if he truly needed to that aren’t him but it’s the little things Jack worried about, like maybe Conor looses his phone charger and his phone is flat and he can’t call anyone at all.

He messages their group chat while they eat and Conor continues to mutter between mouthfuls about how he’s going to make him go. 

_Maybe a slight change of plans on my end friend of ours can’t stay at the flat any more, might cut my visit a bit short?_

The more Jack thinks about it the more he’d be comfortable with a week and it’ll tie into their plans nicely, he’ll be there for the time in Cape Town and come home while the boys go on to Josh and Caspar’s hometown.

Joe’s calling him a few minutes later and Jack pushes away from the kitchen counter to head to his room to answer.

“If that’s one of them you better tell them you’re still going!” Conor shouts after him as he closes his door.

“Hey” Joe’s cheerful voice greets, “Thought it’d be easier just to put you on speaker since i’m with the other members of the hive-brain and it’s going to be stupid if we’re all sitting next to each other in chat”

“Jack, buddy” Caspar says brightly, “Josh say hi”

“Hi” Josh deadpans and Jack laughs. “Joe said you’re trying to get out of coming to Knysna”

“Not exactly sure what else to do really” He says, “It probably sounds weird but it’s not Conor it’s me, I don’t know if I could commit to enjoying myself for that long knowing he’s by himself”

He and Conor have a unique relationship. It’s a universal fact that he’s Conor’s unofficial person, the one who travels with him and helps film and makes sure that he has actual pictures for all his social media because Conor still thinks he’s being hilarious by posting entirely black pictures far too often for it be as funny as he imagines and despite how it’s definitely half Jack’s fault that they’re always late everywhere they go and how he could have literally anyone else Conor wants it to be him, wants him to be there, mutual agreement they’ve spent years working out, arguing down to the nitty gritty details of who pays for what depending on exactly what they’re doing because they’re both that kind of intense. 

Theoretically Jack could spend two weeks at home without Conor asking him for a single thing but that’s not how they work. He trusts Conor to ask and Conor trusts him to know when he’s not needed, just how far he can push. 

“Nobody escapes Knysna” Caspar says seriously, “We’ll have to you know, Joe, what’d that guy say the other day about tables, I liked that”

“Table a meeting” Joe says, "I think a phone call counts”

“It’s definitely not him, he’ll be fine without me, thrilled actually” Jack adds, feels like he has to be in Conor’s corner for this, reinforce that it’s him that’s incapable and not his brother because they’re so used to people assuming otherwise. He’s sure the boys aren’t even thinking along those lines but it’s his default setting and they haven’t met Conor all that often beyond a few get-togethers at Joe’s place and whenever Jack has one of them over to film, Conor saying that he doesn’t want to intrude on all of his friendships. 

“Well, I know we originally decided not to ask him but Conor could come, it wouldn’t be a problem there’s plenty of space where we’re going to be at” Josh says.

“Yeah!” Caspar’s voice goes all excited, “That way you could stay the whole time and he’s got the best stories about little Jack and he could tell all of them, we could make a video about all the stupid stuff you’ve done”

“Ow” Jack whines, “Hit me right where it hurts why don’t you” He hasn’t done that many stupid things. Mostly. 

“Only if it would okay with you if we just asked” Joe interrupts Caspar’s laughter, “We’d be happy to have him but it’s up to you and him, i’m just throwing the idea out there because I know how much Josh loves showing people what a big shot he is at home so the more the merrier, right?”

There’s the distinct sound of Josh trying to hit Joe and Joe tactically shoving Caspar between them.

“I don’t know” Jack’s hesitant to consider the idea. Inviting Conor along would solve the problem but he can’t see him agreeing to gate crash their trip. Travelling together is hard on both of them, double that when it’s to places they haven’t been before and even when they’re with the great team of people Conor usually has it can beyond stressful and he’s not sure if they're ready to share that. 

“It might get a bit complicated with, you know” Josh comes in, picking up on what Jack’s thinking like a big ginger wizard, “But all of us would be there to help, not that i’m saying Conor would need help or that you wouldn’t want to I mean not that it’s the kind of thing where you’d want a break and i’m just going to shut up now I feel like i’m being offensive”

“It’s okay, I think I get it” Jack says, catching on to what Josh is very politely trying to dance around and usually it annoys him, people avoiding saying things outright but he knows Josh, knows that it’s coming from an honest place because he’s just that nice, doesn’t want to cross any kind of line and he appreciates what they’re trying to offer. 

“Maybe we should talk with you and Conor” Joe says, “Are you guys free for dinner tonight?

.........................................................................................................................................................

“No” Conor says flatly when Jack hangs up and goes back into the kitchen to suggest the idea to him.

“Just think about it for a minute” Jack urges, “Imagine how cool it would be, two weeks in the sun and I think Josh is even trying to organise a trip to an elephant sanctuary, I know you’ve always wanted to meet one”

He’s trying what Conor did with him, pointing out all the good aspects of the trip in almost bribery.

Conor sighs. “They’re your friends and they invited you, they only want to invite me to make you happy and that’s not fair on me or on them”

“It is not a pity invite” Jack says firmly and he’s a hundred percent sure it isn’t. The reason they hadn’t invited Conor in the first place was because they hadn’t wanted to put him in an awkward position or make Jack feel uncomfortable but they’re all adults, they can sort it out and still have a really good time.

Still, Conor’s just as stubborn as he is and Jack can hardly force him to come even though he’s liking the picture in his head more and more. They could have a great time together and even if he won’t admit it Conor could use a holiday just as much as him.

“At least come to dinner and be open to discussion” He says, “Joe said he’s cooking”

.........................................................................................................................................

They ride the lift in silence up to Joe’s flat, Conor reluctantly agreeing to attend if only because Joe is the best cook either of them know and he always has dessert.

“They’ve moved the plants again, to the right” Jack says as they step out. Whoever’s in charge of Joe’s building can’t ever seem to decide whether the large fake potted ferns should be on the left or right side of the hallway and keeps moving them every other month and even Jack finds it’s annoying, has come back with the boys a little bit drunk more than once, stumbled around the corner and straight into the damn things. 

Conor snorts. “Maybe Joe should make a video about it, put all those subscribers to work on a petition or something”

Jack knows on the door before he turns to his brother.

“Remember” He whispers, “Open to discussion”

“Remember” Conor whispers back, “You’re fucking going”

There’s a rush of footsteps and voices before the door opens and Joe’s in front, wearing a floral apron with a giant wooden spoon stuck in the front pocket, Josh and Caspar a few steps behind.

“Nice apron, love the flowers” Jack says and Joe’s eyes narrow but he ignores him while Caspar laughs.

“Gentleman, welcome to casa del Sugg” He announces, “Come on in”

Conor’s fingers squeeze his arm as they walk in, the only sign that he’s nervous, always says that people he they know but not really know are worse than strangers he’ll only ever have to see once or twice.

Joe closes the door behind them, comes round so he’s in front of them again.

“Conor it’s good to see you, I feel like it’s been ages” He says and however nervous Conor is around his friends they’re double it, Jack can see it in their faces how much they’re afraid of doing something wrong or awkward no matter how many times he’s tried to reassure them that it’ll be fine.

Fortunately Conor’s made an art of diffusing awkward situations and awkward people are the better kind of person because they both do and don’t want to help, aware of being respectful even if they’re not sure how to go about it which is preferable to all the pushy, judgemental assholes they encounter.

“It has been a while” Conor says easily, “Hug?”

He lets go of Jack and Joe steps confidently into the embrace. 

“I get a hug too, right?” Caspar interrupts, “And Josh, he always wants to shake hands but we’ve been playing Fifa and I know they’re all sweaty”

“Hugs for everyone” Conor agrees as Josh mumbles something about Caspar shutting up and they both shuffle forward and form a sort of line behind Joe and Jack pouts. 

“Geez, just all rush past me” He sulks as Caspar gets his hug and Joe sighs heavily, comes to give Jack his very own hug, arms wrapping tightly around his middle.

“Not my fault everyone wants a piece of the better brother” Conor says and Josh looks worried as Caspar steps away. He’s not as good at the whole false confidence thing that Joe and Caspar tend to use and there’s a long enough pause that Conor definitely notices.

“Josh” He says patiently, holding his arms out, “I said everyone wants a piece of the better brother – he hasn’t run off on me, right?”

“No” Jack’s trying not laugh at the horrified look on Josh’s face at being called and even Caspar takes note of the situation and quickly shoves Josh forward enough that Conor knows he’s there.

“There we go” Conor announces, keeping the hug quick, “God, you’re like one of those tree people from Lord of the Rings”

Caspar cackles and Josh points a finger at him. “Stop picturing, stop it right now”

Caspar’s grin just gets wider, “I’m so going to Photoshop that later”

“The fuck you will” Josh snaps, leaving Conor’s side and trying to swat at Caspar, who kicks him in the ankle and it’s all of three seconds before they’re shoving each other back and forward, Josh getting Caspar into a headlock.

“If you’re going to fight do it in the lounge not the bloody hallway” Joe says in a resigned tone, used to fights breaking out, “Shall we adults retreat to the kitchen for drinks?”

“Rosé?” Jack asks hopefully.

“You might just be in luck” Joe teases, “Conor?”

“I brought that wine you liked last time!” Comes Caspar’s muffled yell from where Josh is shoving his face into a cushion.

“That’ll do” Conor says, “Lead the way”

“Need to refresh your memory?” Jack asks, Joe’s flat is likely sort of familiar but it’s been a few months and honestly they spend most of their time here on the lounge which doesn’t require too much direction.

Conor shakes his head, “I’ll ask if I need to” He says as Jack nudges up against him so they can walk to the kitchen, “As long i’m not going to get surprised by Oli again”

Joe laughs, “He’s in Bryon’s room being a good boy, Oli, say hi to Conor!”

_“Hi there Conor, Conor Maynard hows it going mate”_

“Look at you getting your MasterChef on” Jack says, Joe’s clearly out to impress, several pots bubbling on the stove, delicate light blue china plates set out around the bench. “You’ve got the fancy plates out and everything”

“Please tell me it’s not your great-grandmothers” Conor says, “I can’t take that kind of pressure on a Monday night”

“Only fancy enough that it was clearance at Myer” Joe promises, reaching up into a cupboard for more glasses, swallowing the last mouthful in his own before starting to fill them. “I’m down two plates already anyway, one to Caspar and the other to Mikey”

“And I said I was very sorry” Caspar and Josh have given up on their fight, leaving them both red faced and out of breath.

“Smells delicious” Conor declares, “What’s on the menu?”

“Lamb shanks with red wine sauce and polenta” Joe says and Jack’s mouth waters, “All made by yours truly”

“You’re my favourite” Jack says, leaning over Joe’s shoulder for his glass of rosé.

“Hey, I got the dessert” Josh protests, “He doesn’t get to take all the credit”

A timer goes off and they all jump, Joe quickly finishing the glass he’s filling and holding it out, “That’ll be the lamb done” He says, “Conor, glass right in front of you”

“Food food food” Caspar starts to sing, “My body is ready”

“Make yourself useful and being the extra chairs over instead of making that racket” Joe instructs, “Everyone else prepare to be amazed at what one man can do with extremely detailed instructions and two calls to his dad.

As someone who struggles with the basics, Jack is suitably amazed by Joe’s effort. He joins Caspar in childishly licking his plate clean before they all retreat to the lounge with Josh’s contribution of caramel mud cake and ice cream. 

“Right” Caspar says seriously, “Tabling a meeting about South Africa, Joe?”

“Jack mentioned you weren’t exactly sold on the idea of coming with us” Joe says, which is not quite how Jack had put it, Joe always making things sound so much better.

Conor finishes his mouthful of ice cream. “I just don’t think it’s a great idea” He says and Caspar frowns a little. “It’s your holiday together and you should enjoy that time with each other, not trying to work around me”

“We wouldn’t be like that” Josh cuts in quickly, “That’s not the point of the trip, we’re going as friends first and you know we’d never put you in that situation”

Conor smiles wryly. “I appreciate that but really, Jack needs the break from me and if I had my way he wouldn’t even be thinking of trying to cut it short”

“It’s too long to be away” Jack says, “I’m not going to be able to enjoy it properly if I have to worry about Mikey losing you into the Thames”

“I hope you don’t think we didn’t originally invite you because we don’t like you” Joe says softly, “We just though that maybe you’d be uncomfortable being with just us and we know you and Jack have your own lives and we didn’t want to intrude on that or only think we were asking because we thought we had to”

“But that’s what you’re doing right now” Conor counters, “If I come along Jack’ll stay for the entire time and you want him to do that and I won’t, it’s better if he has to just has one good week over two where i’m around messing up all your plans”

“You wouldn’t mess it up” Caspar says quickly, “We don’t think that, I mean I do want Jack to stay but it’s because I really want to show him what me and Josh already showed Joe, our hometown and it means a lot to be able to do that and I would love to be able share it with you too, not just because you’re Jack’s brother but because you’re our friend even if Jack’s always trying to hide you away from us and it’s not a big deal that you can’t see, South Africa’s so beautiful you won’t miss any of it, you’ll be there and you’ll just know it is”

“I, uh” Conor seems lost for words, head tilted curiously. “That wasn’t where I thought the conversation was going” He confesses and Jack whole-heartedly agrees. Josh’s arm has found it’s way around Caspar’s shoulders and it’s a show of emotion Jack honestly wasn’t expecting.

“Sorry” Caspar mumbles, “I kinda got carried away there, it’s just means a lot you know, getting to bring people back home”

“I had no idea it meant so much” Jack says quietly, feeling guilty for trying to miss out on it even for Conor.

“I don’t want to be invited just because you feel bad for either of us, it’s happened before and I can tell when people don’t want me around or are just being nice for Jack’s sake, it’s cruel and i’d rather go home to stay with our parents before that happens” 

Conor’s matching Caspar’s honesty which is also unexpected. The two people out of all them who tend to fall back on making everything a joke being so open is strange and Jack catches Joe’s eye who looks just a surprised as he feels.

For Conor to offer to go home is a new level of serious. They both love their parents dearly but there’s several reasons he took over from them as soon as Conor could sway them into letting him, why they both moved out as soon as Jack turned eighteen. Jack needs to be there, needs Anna to not be at school to make things work, why they only ever go home for birthdays, weekends and holidays. He had no idea how much the trip meant to his brother either.

“I” Jack starts before realising he doesn’t know what to say. Maybe he and Conor should’ve talked more before they left the house but he couldn’t have predicted this, had mostly been sure that when all was said and done he’d just end up going for the week in Cape Town no matter how much both sides had argued their points. Sure their plans hadn’t originally included Conor but now it’s all he can think about, how much he suddenly wants him to come along, how great it would actually be.

“I can’t remember the last time we just went somewhere for fun, not for music or videos or promos but just because we wanted to” He says, shuffling along the lounge so he can press his knee against Conor’s. “This could be that trip”

“It’s not that easy and you know it” Conor replies, “If I was to go…..” 

Caspar’s entire body seems to perk up at the little flicker of Conor considering coming.

Conor takes a deep breath. “The whole reason I wanted Jack to go on this trip by himself is so he can just relax and hang out with you guys and only have to worry about me in the abstract, trust me no matter how much fun he makes travelling look in his vlogs it can be really stressful and there’s no point trying to avoid the fact that I can’t do everything, i’m going to need help at some point and it’s unfair to expect Jack to try and carry that weight and be with you as well”

Conor’s hand trails down to Jack’s knee and holds tightly as he leans up against his side. Jack’s so tense he has to remember to breathe.

“I understand what you’re saying” Joe says, “But it wouldn’t be just you and Jack or Jack and us it’d be all of us together and we want you to feel comfortable enough with us that you can ask for help or that we can ask you and i’m not denying that it’s going to be weird and awkward because we don’t have the experience yet but I know I speak for everyone when I say we’re serious about learning because like Caspar said, you’re our friend too and we want to do whatever we can so we can all have a amazing time”

Joe’s always so well spoken, words thought out and all Jack can do is look at him and think about how lucky he is to even know him.

“We’re not trying to push anyone into anything” Josh adds, “But the options there now and we’re going to be happy with whatever you decide is best for you two”

“But if you came you could tell us all the best Jack stories” Caspar says cheerfully, “They’d make an awesome video”

Conor laughs, breaking the tension that had fallen over them.

“Two weeks wouldn’t be long enough” He says, “I still don’t know, I mean it’s really important that you’ve all been super honest I appreciate that but I can’t just up and agree to anything without seriously thinking about it, can you leave it with me?”

................................................................................................................................................................

Conor sighs deeply when the doors to the lift close behind them, not bothering to shove Jack out of the way for the right to push the buttons like he usually does.

“I’m sorry” Jack blurts, “I had no idea it would be so intense with all the feelings, I swear I didn’t have anything to do with it”

The last thing he wants is for Conor to think he’s put the boys up to it. 

“I know, you went all tense as soon as Caspar started talking” Conor replies, “But he was so genuine about it I sort of had to be back, you know?”

“Are you really thinking about it or were you just saying that?”

Conor yawns and doesn’t bother to cover his mouth. “Let me sleep on it” He says, “I just don’t know”

........................................................................................................................................................

Jack can’t sleep in the next morning like he usually does, hopping out of bed before ten which is practically unheard of on a day when they don’t need to be somewhere. He’s already got thoughts of the trip on his mind, words on the tip of his tongue.

“You’re up early, suns nice today” Conor greets from his favourite spot, curled up on an oversized grey beanbag right next to their balcony windows, perfectly angled to catch every drop of morning sun and it is nice outside, only a few stray clouds on the horizon.

“I was thinking about the trip” Jack confesses, “I’d go for the whole time if that’s what would make you happy, we’ll just have to spring for the extra data plan so I can text and call whenever”

Conor smiles over at him, sunlight catching in his hair and Jack’s taken a thousand photos of him in his many spots over the years and never tires of how sweet and peaceful he looks with his mug of tea in hand.

“I’m happy if you’re happy” Conor says slowly, “You know that”

Jack can already see him in the places from Joe’s videos, stationed in the sun by the beach and not having to worry about anything other enjoying himself.

“I’d really like if it you were there too, I can't stop thinking about it now that it could happen” He admits, “You know I want to go everywhere with you, share everything with you”

“It could be a nice thing” Conor says, “And I did miss meeting the elephants that time we went to the zoo”

Jack makes his own tea, stirring it loudly in the silence that follows before heading over to sit on the corner of the lounge closest to Conor’s spot.

“Do you trust them?” Conor asks, “Can I trust them?”

It’s not even a question, gut reaction so instinctive Jack’s saying yes almost instantly.

“They’re so good to me, you have no idea”

Conor leans back and looks at him.

“If I came" He says slowly, "I’d have to know that it’s not all going to be on you, I know Joe said they were prepared to help but I want to be sure we’re not going to get there and you’re just going to micromanage everything like you do with Mikey”

“It’s not my fault Mikey doesn’t know his left from his right” Jack says, “You have no idea how many times i’ve had to stop him walking into stuff when he’s not even drunk and he can fucking see”

He’s joking but it’s true he has limited patience with people muddling around taking too long to do things no matter how Conor feels about it and sure, it makes him seem like an asshole sometimes but so often he just can’t see the point of spending ten minutes explaining to some stranger they’re literally never going to see again how to do things. 

When he’s in a good mood Conor’s the opposite, says it might take ten minutes of his day but it’ll be less for the next person that stranger encounters and he’s always been far more considerate of other people than Jack. In a bad mood he's even worse than Jack. 

“If you were coming a run down of the basics would probably be a good idea” Jack suggests, “You know they’re going to be nervous about things especially Josh and that way we’ll all be on the same page and if you’re comfortable I promise i’ll step back and get my party on”

“A crash course on not crashing Conor” Conor muses, “It’s been a while since i’ve done one of those”


	3. Chapter 3

Conor agrees to join them and they make a new group chat to add him to, carefully labelled as holiday only so they don’t accidentally traumatise him into never wanting to see them again. Josh takes his role as dad of the trip seriously, straight in trying to get Conor on the same flights as them and Jack’s out of the house for most of the next day, back to back meetings and a quick stop at the shops for new socks afterwards and it’s a surprise when the message from his bank pops up on his phone with a transfer notice for a frankly ridiculous amount of money, specific enough that he knows Conor meant to send it.

_don’t freak out_ Conor’s text comes through a few minutes later, _quicker to give to you some for Josh since you already have his details_

He doesn’t reply since he’s only ten minutes away from home, checks the group chat while he’s walking to find that flights have been sorted and just need booking, thankfully none of them full despite how last minute it is and the conversations then been derailed by Caspar sending a good twelve pictures in a row of particularly plump seagull he’s seen outside a café he’s at and Jack smiles as he scrolls through to catch up.

He’s found that generally people are way less awkward talking to Conor through text and it rings true, Conor’s said more in the last two days than he’s probably ever talked to all three boys in person combined.

_Caspar: look who i’m with right now total babe_

_Josh: lol always a hit with ladies ey_

_Caspar: oh shit Conor_

_Caspar: I am sorry_

_Caspar: do pictures even show up for you?_

_Caspar: NOT LIKE THAT I_

_Conor: it’s okay_

_Caspar: I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT_

_Conor: I mean technically nothing shows up for me……_

_Conor: but I know they’re there it tells me you’re supposed to find my jokes hilarious btw_

_Josh: I can do that_

_Josh: need some ice for that burn Casp_

_Conor: go nuts with pictures just write under what it is so I know_

_Conor: unless it’s a wrongperson dick pic let me have literally the only benefit to not knowing straight up_

_Conor: bonus points for description if it’s something important I should care about or if it’s a funny picture and ESPECIALLY if it’s one of Jack_

_Joe: Blowing up what am I missing_

_Joe: Oh damn_

_Joe: That is one chunky seagull_

_Caspar: they’re all of this one really fat seagull i’m hanging out with now like, pretty sure it just goes around eating other seagulls_

_Caspar: it keeps looking at me like it might eat me too_

_Joe: curious Conor, do emoji’s work for you or not?_

_Conor: oh yeah emoji’s all day just not like a whole bunch in row plz and better if they’re not really vague ones_

_Caspar: that means you Josh_

_Caspar: less is more_

“I’m supposed to be the one with the jokes” Jack calls out as he comes into the flat, dumping his bags onto the counter. “If people start thinking you’re the funny one i’m moving out”

He finds Conor in his room at his desk with his Mac still in his pyjamas and his brother leans back on his chair and smirks at him.

“The truth had to come out eventually, it’s hardly my fault i’m beautiful, talented and a comedic genius”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night” Jack mutters, throwing himself down onto the other office chair and spinning around. “I was gonna order from the new burger place we liked for tea, do you want me to sort Josh out now before I forget?”

“Yeah, I told Josh it’ll come from your account just so it’s easier for both of us, he sent me a copy of the spreadsheet he’s using so i’m pretty organised now”

Of course Conor likes Josh’s holiday spreadsheet, the both of them exactly the kind of people who like to make lists for fun. Jack missed out on that gene, only uses his calendar and whiteboard mostly because if he forgets important things both his manager and Conor tend to yell. 

“Hang on, my glasses are filthy” He says, pulling them off to wipe against his shirt before putting them back on to examine Josh’s handiwork, neat rows and columns of expenses listed all the way down to what he thinks they’re going to spend on filling the house with alcohol, a number which even Jack thinks is a tad generous, he does want to remember the trip.

There’s a column for each of them, paid in green and not in red, Joe only missing his share of the food budget and Caspar in the red for everything except his flights, likely because he’s close enough with Josh that he does what he and Conor do and transfer money back and forth for convenience sake. Jack’s got a separate account in his name just for things Conor and he split like rent and internet and it’s handy for travel and holidays too. 

He’s been focused on having everything paid for as soon as Josh organises it, still owes for a few things that can wait till they get there and he’s very surprised to notice that instead of all the numbers he’s been carefully budgeting for on his whiteboard they’re now all zero. All zero and he knows exactly what’s fucking happened.

“You are not paying my share” He says firmly, kicking the back of Conor’s chair. “We talked about this”

“That was before I was coming and it’s only the stuff you had left to pay for which seems fair to me”

“It still doesn’t add up right” Jack’s not great at maths but Josh has nerded the spreadsheet so it totals at the bottom and Conor’s given him way too much money. 

“The spreadsheet is just what we owe Josh” Conor says, tone of voice like he’s explaining something to a child, “It’s just less trouble for the rest to be on your card when we’re paying for whatever and I do mean we, food included and if you so much as even stop to get souvenirs it comes from this account i’m not arguing with you”

Conor’s got his serious face on and Jack’s not about to start anything when he’s only just agreed to go, just kicks his brothers chair again.

“You’re stupid” He mumbles, knows Conor knows what he means.

“Yeah, you’re stupid too”

......................................................................................................................................................

They hold the first official meeting of The Not Letting Conor Be Dragged Off By Kidnappers Or Lions Club – Conor’s exact words, at Caspar and Josh’s flat which he’s never been to before.

Josh drags a couple of stools over so they can all sit at the kitchen table and it’s habit at this point for Jack to tap the one next to him even though Conor’s already found it. 

“Right” Conor says, “Don’t look so worried, like I said all I want to do is show you how to help me get around which is the biggest thing in new places and if you’ve got questions that’s cool too”

“We were up for a while last night watching videos, I don’t know if they were right or the same as what you want us to do but maybe they’ll end up being useful?” Joe sounds like he’s unsure of Conor’s reaction and Jack wishes he’d thought of that, sent them some links to a few tutorials that aren’t entirely condescending and shit. 

“See” Conor says brightly, “You’re already ahead of most people I work with don’t sound so nervous, I promise I don’t bite and like, i’m not going to be judging you or anything that’s not what i’m trying to do, I know people get nervous and hell, I get nervous too and it’s way better to get all the awkwardness out of the way while we’re somewhere relaxing instead of say, the middle of an international airport”

“Not really a question but” Caspar says, “I know I say a lot of stupid stuff and I don’t want to be offensive sometimes things just comes out like yesterday”

“You have no idea what offensive is” Conor says dramatically, “There is almost nothing any of you could say that would be so terrible, I am pretty much inoffendable when it’s coming from the right place which I know you all are or at least I really hope and don’t think you have to censor yourselves you can ask me to look at or watch things it’s fine and i’m going to make jokes too and you’re allowed to think they’re funny even when Jack doesn’t” 

“It’s just, i’m really clumsy on my own” Josh says tentatively, “I really don’t want to walk you into or off of something”

“You’ll be fine” Conor assures, “Everyone says that and they all come through”

“Even Mikey” Jack adds, “Mostly”

“The main thing is that I can walk by myself, i’ll make it clear if I need a hand or not, you guys have probably only ever seen me on Jack’s arm but that’s just because he needs me to look like a cool sensitive guy”

“Sssh” Jack hisses, “They’re supposed to think that already”

Jack knows that sometimes he helps too much. Sometimes Conor lets him and sometimes they fight about it but they’re brothers, it’s how they do things and even then there’s lines he never crosses professionally, whether it’s his work or Conor’s he’s always aware of the need to allow distance between them.

“Well since you’re all so well informed I say we just go with it and have a house tour” Conor announces, “Who’s game to go first?”

“Joe” Caspar and Josh say in unison and Conor laughs, Jack snickering along as Joe can’t seem to decide if pretending to be indignant about being chosen is offensive or not.

“I’ve got this” Joe decides confidently, chairs scraping back as they all move to their feet. “Gonna be the best house tour you’ve ever had”

“That’s the spirit, i’ll just give you a quick run down since what you watched probably isn’t exactly how I like things, come over here to my left”

Joe ends up hovering by Conor, looking nervous again.

“It’s always good to tell me when you’re there since i’m not always paying attention” Conor continues, “I heard you move that time but you could be anywhere” He reaches his hand out, poking Joe in the arm. 

“Right, like I said i’ll usually ask so Joe, can you guide me?”

Joe nods before he realises he needs to say something.

“Sure thing” He says, keeping the confident tone to his voice even if his expression says otherwise.

“I don’t mind if you touch my arm above the elbow instead of me trying to find yours just don’t grab me, I don’t bite but Jack might and i’ll go ahead and hold onto you and then you can take a step forward”

Joe obligingly shuffles forward as Jack rolls his eyes at the worried look Caspar sends him. He’s on his very best not biting behaviour, still sitting in his chair and being quiet like he knows Conor expects.

“It’s easier for me to follow you if you’re always a step ahead and then you’ve got time to tell me about things, some people aren’t into that but I prefer it even if i’ve got my cane and you can talk to me normally too, i’m pro at multi-tasking as long as it’s not really busy”

“Got it” Joe says.

“So we’ll walk back to the front door and go from there, since we’re doing a tour you can describe stuff to me like what room we’re in and where things are, colour and texture is good too because if Josh’s room is all pink and flowery or a leather sex dungeon I want to know about it”

prank idea Caspar mouths to Jack from behind Josh, glint in his eyes and Jack would love for Josh to bring a girl home to kinky sex room.

“Directions you’ll pick up as we go along, for doorways you can say doorway and i’ll step a little behind you so we’ll both fit, I can hold doors open and close them and stuff and for places that are really narrow you’ll have to fold your arm behind you”

“Like this?” Joe’s a little slow but he’s obviously been paying attention to what he’s been watching, has the right idea.

“Perfect” Conor says, “Obviously left and right explain themselves, you can add to that whether it’s a sharp turn or if we just need to step one way or the other, stairs depend on how busy it is and if there’s a rail but for the love of god if we’re like, coming up on a gutter or something I need to step for tell me if it’s up or down and if you need me to stop straight away you need to say stop and be firm about it, otherwise I think we’re good to go”

“My room first” Caspar says excitedly, “Josh made me clean everything off the floor and it took ages”

“Off we go” Conor instructs and Joe’s hesitant but they’re moving away from the table and the kitchens a little narrow but Joe’s small enough that they both fit.

“Uh, this is the kitchen” Joe says, “It’s kind of on both sides? There’s the fridge and the counter on the left and the stove and the coffee making on the right, it’s mostly all marble and white except for the big yellow toaster – am I doing this right, do you want to know that?

“Perfect” Conor encourages, “Just breathe, you nearly ran out of air at the end, if i’m confused or need more detail i’ll ask but really this is exactly the kind of stuff i’m going to need to know for the places we’re staying and admittedly i’m not up on what’s in style but a yellow toaster, is that a thing?

“It was on sale” Caspar says, “Josh bought it”

Jack watches them move to the front door and turning around like they’ve just come in, Joe directing them right and they get about three steps before Conor stumbles and Josh lets out a noise that might be a squeak.

“It’s okay we’re fine” Conor says quickly, “That one was my fault, just don’t move too far away from me if that happens, if the surface changes you can tell me a few steps before, I completely forgot about that one”

“Reset button” Joe says, making a very not okay face, “I’m really sorry”

“All on me” Conor says, sticking his foot out and rubbing at the change from tiles to carpet with his shoe.

“Okay, so that’s carpet, I presume a nice, fluffy carpet appropriate for the kind of place very successful Youtubers live”

“Very soft” Caspar agrees, “It’s sort of beige and hides stuff we spill on it really well”

They’re out of Jack’s line of sight them, Joe’s hesitant directions and Conor’s answering confident ones as they navigate into Caspar’s room and then Josh’s, disappointingly neither pink nor a dungeon and Jack relaxes a bit when he hears them all break into laughter.

“Wait, where’s Jack?” Caspar calls out, “Jack?”

“Working on my holiday relaxation technique and it’s less stressful when i’m not watching, right?” Jack calls back and it’s true, he does tend to intimidate people with what Mikey calls his messing-with-Conor-bitch-face even when he tries to keep a check on it.

He hears Caspar take over from Joe and it’s going well, more laughter and Conor seems comfortable enough when they reappear, Caspar successfully getting them through the narrow kitchen space.

“It’s really good you’re holding my arm and not my hand” Caspar says, “They’re so sweaty right now”

“That’s exactly why we don’t, imagine a big sweaty strangers hand pulling you along” Conor says and Caspar makes a very long, drawn out grossed out noise and wipes his free hand on his pants.

“The lounge rooms in front of us” Caspar says, “I mean before that there’s the table and there’s Jack”

“Who looks great, his hair is on point today” Jack says proudly and Conor raises a certain finger at him.

“I think it’s Josh’s turn now though” Caspar declares, “Right Josh?”

“Right” Josh isn’t even pretending to be confident and the lounge room is probably the easiest, literally just a square around the lounge itself, office in the corner.

“I believe in you” Conor coaxes, letting go of Caspar and holding his arm out but Josh doesn’t make any move and Jack’s never seen him so nervous, especially since he’s the one who’s so confident in organising so many things and this is exactly why Jack’s on chair duty because usually he’d say something, end up guiding Conor himself and not being all considerate and understanding like Conor is.

“It’s okay if you’re nervous, you can be honest with me if you really don’t want to i’m not going to be upset, or do you want to try somewhere more open maybe?”

“Yeah” Josh squeaks out, “Sorry, it’s not that I don’t want to I just, I am really nervous I don’t want to fuck it up and run you into something”

“The courtyard is all flat and open” Joe volunteers, “I’ve never seen anyone really out there”

“They tend to run when they see me anyway because i’m usually about to film something stupid” Caspar says.

“That’ll work” Conor says, “Josh?”

“I could try” Josh agrees, “I’m really sorry I just don’t want to mess this up” He shoots a worried look at Jack and Jack tries to smile at him. He doesn’t get why Josh is baulking so much but it’s out of his hands, if Conor’s fine with it he has to be too and he wants this to work out so they can all head out in a few days.

“I’ll grab my cane, that way we definitely won’t hit anything” Conor says and Jack’s automatically reaching for Conor’s backpack before he remembers he’s just supposed to be watching. 

“One of the best ways for me to find you or something like a chair is if you tap wherever you are” 

Jack takes the cue, drums his fingers across the back of the chair Conor was sitting on.

“Jack’s great because he’s got rings on and that’s a really specific sound but just fingers will work”

Conor takes a few steps forward, “Obviously if there’s something that’s going to stop me from getting straight to wherever it is mention that” He follows the line of the chair down to the floor, grabbing the strap of his bag and unzipping it, pulling out his cane.

“Dude, is that glitter?” Caspar’s suddenly behind Conor and leaning over his shoulder, eyes wide.  
“That is so cool”

Conor’s cane is his brother entirely, black and glossy metallic even though he’s had it long enough that even the thick gloss hasn’t protected it and it’s starting rub away and peel in places and there’s a dent larger than all the others that Jack might’ve caused chasing George into a lift with it last year that he’s been letting Conor believe was his own doing. He figures he’ll tell him when he replaces it for Christmas. 

“I’m a fashion icon, what can I say” Conor says, “Joe, do you want to guide me there for practice?”

They make it to the lifts, Joe with Conor, cane still folded in his hand and they all squeeze in down to the ground floor and Joe’s confidence seems to wane with the presence of several other people in the lobby.

“You’ve got it” Conor encourages, “Jack?”

“Here if you need me” Jack assures, “But I think Joe’s right”

Joe smiles at him and Jack smiles back, gives him a thumbs up. Caspar bounces ahead, holds open the double glass doors that lead outside to the courtyard, all paved grey with only a few sculptures and planter boxes that Josh would have to try quite hard to walk into.

“Here Josh” Conor unfolds his cane, lets it snap together before he lets go of Joe and wanders forward a few steps, settling it into position in front of him. “How about I guide you instead until you get your feet and then we’ll see how we go, no pressure”

“Okay?” Josh seems confused by the idea but goes with it, stepping into line with Conor.

“You might have to walk a bit slower than your giant legs are used to but other than that you can just let me lead, if you want to tell me about anything you can but you don’t have to, just relax”

Conor starts walking with Josh on his arm and it takes them a good ten metres to match each others steps, Josh either too far ahead or falling behind and he keeps looking back at Jack like he should help but it’s not Jack’s call to make. 

Conor keeps up conversation as they walk, voice soft and they’re coming up to a planter box in a slightly wavy line and the closer they get the more antsy Josh is.

“Whatever it is we’re not going to hit it, I can feel you pulling back” Conor says and as soon as the tip of his cane hits the concrete he comes to a stop. 

“See?” Conor taps it a few times to make his point, stretching out and trying to find his way around it without moving again, stepping forward to bump a foot against it and then reaching a hand out to nothing. “Not a wall then” He says, “If i’m alone I usually just pick left or right and hope one of them will get me around”

There’s a distinct gap where Jack’s hoping Josh will contribute.

“Left” Josh finally gets out, “It’s a big garden planter thing”

They turn left and there’s another planter in their path not too far away and Jack wonders if Josh will tell Conor or if he’ll just let them hit that one too. He’s sure it’s helping but it’s just so easy to him that he wants to be frustrated and he’s more frustrated that he really can’t be. 

“Right” Josh whispers, “There’s another planter um, in front of us”

Conor looks up at him, “There you go” He says brightly, “Keep doing that and i’ll have you sorted in no time”

It takes twenty minutes but by the end of it Josh is mostly guiding, keeping ahead of Conor as they loop clumsy, hesitant shapes around the sculptures and sure it’s way slower and absolutely not going to work out on a busy street it’s good step forward from Josh not wanting to at all and Jack thinks he’ll figure it out eventually with a bit more patience and at least he’s not going to be the kind of person who likes to drag Conor along. 

Caspar and Joe get a couple of laps in as well and Jack finds himself a bench to sit down on, Snapchats a full rotating view of his perfect hair because it really is that good today and replies to a few texts before they all start to head in his direction.

“I might not be fit enough for this trip” Conor says dramatically, “I need a nap already”

“I’m starving” Caspar says, “We should go to that new pub down the road i’ve heard it’s good”

Jack’s stomach suddenly reminds him how hungry he is too.

“Sounds good” He agrees, “Driving or walking down the road?”

“If we’re walking it better be good” Conor says as Josh checks his phone. 

“Probably won’t get a park down there this time of day, i’d say it’s nice enough for a walk”

“I’ll run up and grab mine and Josh’s wallets and turn off my laptop and stuff and get your bag if you want it Conor, you guys go and i’ll catch up”

Conor nods and they make their way onto the street, Conor by himself a few paces behind and he doesn’t say as much but Jack knows he really is tired, needs a little break from teaching and talking and being touched. The footpaths quiet despite the near standstill traffic and apart from falling into line with his brother to cross a busy intersection Jack lets him have his space, joining in to mock a very out of breath Caspar when he finally meets them just as they’re heading into the pub.

It’s the kind of place they usually like, regular lunch time pub rush vibe with a little bit of London fancy and the smell of food makes Jack’s stomach grumble again. They’re pointed to the only free table right at the very back and the main problem with London fancy is that too often everything’s jammed too close together with the makings of a maze to slide between other occupied tables and stabby metal décor. 

He nudges Conor with his shoulder. “Typical London mess to get to the table” He relays, waits for him to decide what he wants to do before fingers wrap around his arm and they start to trail after the others, Josh having to duck underneath a low hanging decorative light fixture.

“I only want to know about the healthy options I can’t take the temptation” Conor says as they find their chairs, Jack shifting the oversized pot of flowers down to the other end of the table, “I need to salvage what’s left of my bikini body"

................................................................................................................................................

Along with Josh’s carefully planned spreadsheet the other man has been working on a basic itinerary which completely polarises their little group, Joe approving and Caspar complaining that it ruins the magic of a spontaneous holiday until Josh shuts him up with multiple reminders about how much he’s known to complain about wanting to do things and either forgetting or finding them booked out or too complicated to organise last minute.

Jack knows Conor will be happy with whatever they up doing, has only mentioned in the chat that he’s been promised elephants and fully expects that to happen, prompting Jack to find the Simpsons clip and cut it down for him so he can post about wanting his elephant as a reaction gif to everything but Jack wants to make the trip special and he’s not the only one, Josh cornering him awkwardly one afternoon after they filmed a challenge video.

“I know Conor said it’d be really hard for us to be offensive but uh, i’m not too sure on that” He starts “And I don’t know if I should ask him instead of you or if it’s even worse that I want to ask you first and -”

“Spit it out” Jack demands, “It cannot be that bad”

“I was working on things to do and there’s a few places I definitely want to take us hiking but then I was searching and I found one in Cape Town that’s um, specially designed for visually impaired people?”

Josh says the last part so fast Jack only just catches it and he looks like he’s entirely expecting Jack to be mad at him and it’s really the nicest thing to know that Josh is actively thinking of little things like that, searching them out. He leans over to rest his head on Josh’s shoulder.

“You worry too much” He says, “I mean Conor won’t find it as cute as I do that you’re being literally the nicest person ever but he’s not going to have your head for suggesting it”

It is a nice idea, sounds interesting enough that Jack’s curious about it. Conor’s been hiking a bunch of times in a few countries but they’ve never come across anything like what Josh is saying.

“I’m not saying we have to go, I just you know, if there’s anything specific you know he likes we could add that in, it’s a holiday for everyone and we have plenty of time to fill”

“Let’s keep it as a nice surprise for him” Jack decides, “If he hates it which I highly doubt you can blame it all on me, he’s game for pretty much whatever but I do have a few ideas that might work if we can organise them”


End file.
